A Guide to Australians and their Culture
This is a guide About Australians by an Australian to a guide to our alien culture.
Ah yes, the strange, mystifying land down under of Australia. A place where there's pubs and rugby league on every corner of the Avenue.
Down in this land we do not know of your "forsets" and "flap-florps"
What silly words! Whose heard of these things anyways? Well enough Americano talk, this is an Australian guide, with all the information you ever need if you decide to pop down for a visit.
Doesn't matter if it's the mornin' or arvo, get a pencil and rubber ready for notes and go down to the bottle-o to get a few drinks and put 'em in the esky, it's going to be a ripper.
In this guide we will be looking at three topics in particular: Cultural beliefs of the Australians, Anatomy and Kangaroos (in no particular order).
Australian Daily Routine.
A typical Australian's routine will consist of waking up at 5:00 AM sharp, to avoid burning in bed from the heat.
They then commence slip, slap, slopping sunscreen onto their faces and stand up to sing the national anthem.
Usually breakfast consists of a meat pie, barbie q grilled chicken and a side of worms. (worms are optional, only if the Australian is hosting a babadook in their basement)
The Australian will then turn on the tv and all in-sync, collectively sing "1300655506" when the reading and writing hotline ad comes on.
This is where they get their source of news and entertainment. They will most likely hear about the wearables of American presidents and celebrities. We still do not know who the Prime Minister is, nobody talks about the Prime Minister, so stop asking.
(An image of what Australian News looks like)
After watching a regular amount of about 5 hours of The Bachelor and Masterchef the Australian will turn off the telly and go out for their regular and daily Barbie Q in the park
Around this time is the evening, the Australians refer to this event as "Arvo". FOr instance "Let's go down to Bunnings and pick up some tools and get a snag from their sausage sizzle this Arvo"
(Editors note: Bunnings is an Australian branch of hardwear stores that sells processed meat on a small grill outside known as a "sausage sizzle").
The regular Australian drinks about over 15000 Litres of booze a day.
After the Australian is done with the Barbie Q, they go home and pass out. Or even just in the park.
(Editors note - a quick look at Australian's anatomy)
images of two different breeds of Australians. Australians have many limbs used for holding important items like beer, tongs and tv remotes.
We've covered the important parts of routine, life and culture.
But what about religion?
Of course not many people on the outside know this, only true Australians.
But there is only one religion in Australia.
This religion is known as "the true blue" religion. A cult dedicated to the way of the Aussie that prays and worships kangaroos.
You see, kangaroos are actually god-like beings who created all of Australia and also New Zealand. But they didn't like New Zealand so they gave it to the kiwis. The kangaroo is the symbol of all of Australia, they embrace justice for alcohol and country music.
Kangaroos are the gods of masculinity and pub-brawls. If an Australian have never done either of those things before the age of 6, the parents will leave that Aussie out to be eaten by the dingoes and finished off by the Kangaroos themselves.
This has been a guide to the other-worldly yet wonderful culture of Australia, if you are planning to travel to this beautiful country, please consider the following. Cheers mate.
Also watch out for bogans & cane toads, both of those things will shit on your fackin' car.